I’ve got a morning call from Andy informing me that Nurul’s dad has passed on. I asked myself what am I suppose to say when I see her. Here I am in a state of depression and I am definitely not in the right state of mind to console her. I wasn’t even in the mood to get myself dressed up for the visit to the wedding caterer. It just got me all depressed to even mention the word wedding. Combined wedding will be worst! I wasn’t even ready when Andy specifically told me that we have an appointment and that I have to be ready by twelve. When Andy told me that he has drove in into my car park, I just got irritated and pissed. I have not even put on my makeup and dry blow my hair. To make the situation worst, my mother was nagging constantly at me as not to make my fiancé wait. Frustrated and embittered, I hurried and rushed and ended up forgetting to take my tudung / scarf for the visit to Nurul’s place.
Wedding Caterer’s Place
I was indecisive or should I say I was too emotional to even make a decision? Things worsen when I just had to meet my step-mother who coincidentally happens to stay in the same location. How nice! I was just being difficult and questioned why will it be better to have two separate weddings instead of one? Can you see now how badly this has affected me in a certain way? I wasn’t happy and wasn’t satisfied that they are not able to provide the color theme of my choice. What else to say? Just get me the color!
Nurul’s Place
To Nurul,
My sincere apologies for not covering myself up with the tudung. I didn’t have the courage to even console you but I understand what you are going through right now. I have been through that before. To lose someone that you love is part of life and we just have to be strong to live up with what is coming for the future. You have your husband and Insya Allah, all of us will look forward to the arrival of the baby. May peace be upon your father and may he be among the Muslims inhabitants of the abodes. May Allah show mercy and verily we will soon, with Allah’s will, be reunited. Insya Allah…
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I’m recalling why I am in this pitiful state. When things are left unattended right from the start or when I have set such a high hope for something to happen and it didn’t go my way. I told myself to stay calm and focus. For I have tried to let it all go, it wasn’t an easy choice. It was not a random choice between yes and no. Any mention of the word wedding or to be precise combined wedding will trigger a sharp unbearable pain to my mind. This has been going on for a while and it came to a point where it hurts. Maybe I am just taking this too emotionally? Well, who doesn't rite? It took me courage and a well plan proposal to present it to my parents on what I really want. Putting aside those long lists of disagreements, they finally agree with me looking at how happy I will be if this goes on. What matters most was it was my choice and that everyone which is inclusive of my family members will be gleeful and jubilant at my joyous event.
It took me a while to take No as an answer. I kept asking why but I didn’t get the answers that I wanted. I did not make myself understand the rational of everything. I became obstinate and adamant. I kept myself in silence as I was let down and saddened by the decision. Why can’t we just discuss on this again as I have jotted down all my points on why I really wanted this to happen? Here I am blogging about this, its not my intention to put the blame to anyone. This will just help me to reflect on how being stubborn will lead me even further to into a state of depression. I have my reasons and my grounds for wanting this badly. Till now, I should just move away from such topics..and someday, it will be healed slowly.
What is depression?
Feeling sad or depressed? The sensation usually passes after a while. However, a person with a depressive disorder finds that her state interferes with her daily life. Her normal functioning is undermined to such an extend that both she and those who care about her are affected by it. Depression is a mental state or chronic disorder characterized by feelings such as sadness, despair, low self-esteem, self approach; signs such as agitation, withdrawal from social contacts and vegetative states such as loss of appetite and insomnia. The patient suffers from a combination of symptoms that undermine his ability to sleep, study, work, eat and enjoy activities that he used to find pleasurable.
What are the signs and symptoms of depression?
It is not uniform. Signs and symptoms may differ. How severe and how long they last depends on the individual person and his illness.
Below is a list of the most common symptoms:
• A general feeling of pessimism sets in
• A constant feeling of sadness, anxiety and emptiness
• The person feels hopeless
• Individual can feel restless
• The sufferer may experience irritability
• Loses interest in activities and hobbies they once enjoyed like shopping
• Lower level of energy, fatigue sets in
• Finds it hard to concentrate, remember details and make decisions
• Sleeping patterns are disturbed – the person may sleep too little or too much
• Eating habits may change
• The sufferer may complain more of aches and pains, headaches, cramp or digestive problems. These problems do not get better with treatment.
Amazingly, I am experiencing all these signs and symptoms. I find it harder to think and to concentrate now. It is harder to remember things and I am getting tired on thinking too much. I seriously need a break from all these and all these have to stop!
P.S: Does anyone have a remedy or a solution to this?
Wedding Caterer’s Place
I was indecisive or should I say I was too emotional to even make a decision? Things worsen when I just had to meet my step-mother who coincidentally happens to stay in the same location. How nice! I was just being difficult and questioned why will it be better to have two separate weddings instead of one? Can you see now how badly this has affected me in a certain way? I wasn’t happy and wasn’t satisfied that they are not able to provide the color theme of my choice. What else to say? Just get me the color!
Nurul’s Place
To Nurul,
My sincere apologies for not covering myself up with the tudung. I didn’t have the courage to even console you but I understand what you are going through right now. I have been through that before. To lose someone that you love is part of life and we just have to be strong to live up with what is coming for the future. You have your husband and Insya Allah, all of us will look forward to the arrival of the baby. May peace be upon your father and may he be among the Muslims inhabitants of the abodes. May Allah show mercy and verily we will soon, with Allah’s will, be reunited. Insya Allah…
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I’m recalling why I am in this pitiful state. When things are left unattended right from the start or when I have set such a high hope for something to happen and it didn’t go my way. I told myself to stay calm and focus. For I have tried to let it all go, it wasn’t an easy choice. It was not a random choice between yes and no. Any mention of the word wedding or to be precise combined wedding will trigger a sharp unbearable pain to my mind. This has been going on for a while and it came to a point where it hurts. Maybe I am just taking this too emotionally? Well, who doesn't rite? It took me courage and a well plan proposal to present it to my parents on what I really want. Putting aside those long lists of disagreements, they finally agree with me looking at how happy I will be if this goes on. What matters most was it was my choice and that everyone which is inclusive of my family members will be gleeful and jubilant at my joyous event.
It took me a while to take No as an answer. I kept asking why but I didn’t get the answers that I wanted. I did not make myself understand the rational of everything. I became obstinate and adamant. I kept myself in silence as I was let down and saddened by the decision. Why can’t we just discuss on this again as I have jotted down all my points on why I really wanted this to happen? Here I am blogging about this, its not my intention to put the blame to anyone. This will just help me to reflect on how being stubborn will lead me even further to into a state of depression. I have my reasons and my grounds for wanting this badly. Till now, I should just move away from such topics..and someday, it will be healed slowly.
What is depression?
Feeling sad or depressed? The sensation usually passes after a while. However, a person with a depressive disorder finds that her state interferes with her daily life. Her normal functioning is undermined to such an extend that both she and those who care about her are affected by it. Depression is a mental state or chronic disorder characterized by feelings such as sadness, despair, low self-esteem, self approach; signs such as agitation, withdrawal from social contacts and vegetative states such as loss of appetite and insomnia. The patient suffers from a combination of symptoms that undermine his ability to sleep, study, work, eat and enjoy activities that he used to find pleasurable.
What are the signs and symptoms of depression?
It is not uniform. Signs and symptoms may differ. How severe and how long they last depends on the individual person and his illness.
Below is a list of the most common symptoms:
• A general feeling of pessimism sets in
• A constant feeling of sadness, anxiety and emptiness
• The person feels hopeless
• Individual can feel restless
• The sufferer may experience irritability
• Loses interest in activities and hobbies they once enjoyed like shopping
• Lower level of energy, fatigue sets in
• Finds it hard to concentrate, remember details and make decisions
• Sleeping patterns are disturbed – the person may sleep too little or too much
• Eating habits may change
• The sufferer may complain more of aches and pains, headaches, cramp or digestive problems. These problems do not get better with treatment.
Amazingly, I am experiencing all these signs and symptoms. I find it harder to think and to concentrate now. It is harder to remember things and I am getting tired on thinking too much. I seriously need a break from all these and all these have to stop!
P.S: Does anyone have a remedy or a solution to this?
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