For the past one week, I have been going through an extreme emotional ride. Those mixed feelings and at times it got worst that I assume that maybe I’m useless. When depression hits you, you will eventually breakdown. The problem with me is that I don’t cry and it’s hard to let go of the emotions inside of me.
I don’t voice out, I don’t relate and I don’t comprehend. I am a specialist at bottling up my anger and frustrations, to a point that it boils down within me. When feelings reach its bottleneck, by then the situation or the issue has gotten worst.
The moment I spill out the beans, I find myself in another state of depression. This leads to the requisition of being isolated from the rest of the world, not wanting to be part of anything, anti-social, unwanted stress and pressure, emotionally disturbed, keeping mum, not wanting to participate in any event, restless and different. There seems to be a complete change in character ~ the total opposite of me.
I questioned myself on what is wrong with me. I told myself to speak up and I pacify myself to get over it. Somehow or rather, it didn’t work. I find myself falling deep into depression again and again. I just don’t know what the root cause is and I just can’t figure out what went wrong.
Maybe I need the time to be on my own as I am definitely not okay!
P.S: No more joy - No more sadness - No emotion - Only madness. I can't see. I don't feel. I can't touch. I don't heal.
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